I’ve been struggling with apathy lately. You know, sometimes when you feel like you’re surrounded by insurmountable challenges? I see poverty everywhere, inequality. I’m being faced by the challenges of child and human trafficking, a government that is failing to deliver services to a growing unsettled working-class population. High levels of unemployment; I could go on, really. Just last week 44 people were shot by the police due to their striking for higher wages.
I often just look, and think “Oh God, how does little old me make a difference in all these mountains? There’s always a hill to climb, another challenge to meet. God, I’m tired. I just wanna sit here. And not move for a bit. Is that ok?”
“ It’s breaking ice now to make any movement”. This is a One Republic lyric with the same name as this blog. I feel like this. And often, I don’t even know where to begin. So I asked Jesus about it the one day, because I was too tired of thinking and hearing about all this sadness and not knowing what to do with all of it. And I realized some things (as tends to occur when I listen to Jesus):
- If this is how I feel just by looking at some of the things going on in my country, how much more does God feel for these things? How much more are all these issues, and many more- BURNING on His heart?
- If He’s in my heart, then surely it’s RIGHT and GOOD for me to feel the weight of all that is unjust in the world. I’m certainly in the right place, if I’m seeing even a little bit of what Jesus sees all the time.
- It’s up to me how I RESPOND to these feelings.
I’m starting to realize more and more that my life is pretty much just moments of feeling things I don’t understand (Emotional Intelligence called into question?? Ha ha). I’m also beginning to wonder that maybe it’s within those moments that the victory is calling out to me. How I respond to those feelings , and how I let those feelings affect me- therein lies the crossroad between making good life changing decisions, and apathy. Because either I embrace the feelings and point them towards thinking of an innovative solution, finding out more information about the problem, praying for the issue. Or? Shove those feelings down and refuse to listen to the news.
Admittedly, I’ve done the second one way too often. That didn’t work. So now, I’ve decided on working on the other part. As for the mountains, yes they’re mountains. But God is bigger. And when I think about it, when God works with me, He chips away at me little bit, by little bit. He doesn’t come at me top down, swooping in like a superhero. HE could. He SO could. And so maybe there’s a lesson in there for me about tackling all the mountains I see. I’m not big enough all by myself to swoop in like a super hero (the superhero version of me in my head could. She really could), but that’s why He calls us to function like a body. We’re all supposed to do our bit. When I think about it that way- about the strength, potential and the authority given to us, in the Body of Christ, the mountain doesn’t look so big. But I know it’s time for ME to buck up and take my post in doing my little bit within that body. It IS big for little old me. But the same superhero who could swoop down and change me in an instant, is IN me too, and He’s egging me on and propelling me forward to TRY anyway.
Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. I read that somewhere. I need to start living like that statement is true. Because it is.
Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1John 4:4