It’s been so long since I last wrote, and it’s amazing to look back at these posts and realize how far I’ve come. Another year is passing, but this hasn’t just been ‘another year’. It’s been THE year. Of testing, of trials, of roller coasters and adventures, of mountain climbs and scenery I never thought these eyes would see. There have been battles here that no one mentioned I would have to fight. And honestly, I guess it’s no surprise: I’m kinda tired. Not tired like, “ I’ve had a long day at work”, tired. But tired, like “My soul has been stretched and stretched, filled, and then stretched some more to accommodate something I haven’t seen yet” kinda tired. The waiting to see it is hard then, too.
It’s in this place that the Lord offers a beautiful respite. It comes in the nick of time. Sometimes staying and sticking something through is much braver than running ahead to find other adventures. This is a lesson the Lord has twisted and plotted into so many metaphors in my life this year. It’s a lesson I’m still learning. In the staying, something is birthed, an endurance in me that I never would know if things constantly went my way, in my direction, and in my time. Staying is hard. It means holding onto dreams about leaving, and holding them close enough for them to be warm and grow, but loose enough to let them float away if need be. And sometimes they do. This has been hard too.
It’s so funny now, looking back, I distinctly remember asking God to make me golden. To make something beautiful out of me that will be solid, tested, and strong (I need to be careful about the things I ask that Guy). And I see it even now, as the light on this year is beginning to fade, and my strength feels like it’s waning. He’s answering me, calling me forwards to persevere, endure and finish this better than we started. I don’t know HOW this is possible, I just know that that’s what He’s asking. I don’t have any doubt anymore though. Because all the beauty, and the mess, and the miracles of this year have proven His faithfulness to be my truth. He’s still here now, encouraging.
His words are from the mouth of switchfoot tonight, and they’re so apt:
“You are golden,
You are golden, child
Don’t let go
Don’t let go tonight.”